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” Roger looked into Chris’s eyes. “She didn’t attend either of their funerals, Chris.” He pressed his hand against his eyes. “Sorry...”“Don’t be. It helps me understand her ... what she was going through.”“I’ve been her link to the outside world, Chris. She’d return my calls when she wouldn’t Mom’s or Dad’s. That’s why when someone comes in and disrupts our routine, I worry.”“Maybe Brian’s actions did trigger it,” Chris replied. “But, there’s culpability elsewhere. Didn’t you try ... loving her for the person she is?”“It was like walking on eggshells around her,” Roger said. “We could never predict what would set her off and we were terrified that we’d drive her to another attempt.”“I think a vicious cycle developed. Carmen considered herself disfigured and instead of ... demonstrating the wrongness of that thinking -- you reinforced it. With each cycle, in her own mind she became more and more hideous. I don’t think you did this on purpose. You might not even have been aware of what. But no one did. My Mom didn't mention her. It seemed Martha Jane had been swallowed into nowhere. Knowing she was in summer classes, I assumed a break would occur soon, probably in September. She called our place now and then and we'd chat on the phone and she'd promise that things would be settled son, when she received her first on-the-job student teaching gig, and I went to a small celebration in her apartment the day she graduated. But by September I'd heard nothing.Associating with others had eroded my confidence. My impression was that other kids regarded me as a little weird; I had a fatalistic attitude toward people and events. I was pessimistic and bored -- I'm certain I must have been a gloomy-gus to be avoided. Repression and criticism from Mom and relatives didn't help. By age ten, I was on a psychological downer.I began to expect that life would either take people away from me, or me from them. Stepper and Uncle Robert was a case in point; Mom and all the dead of the war.
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